Hi, I am Donald Trump failed coup. Thanks to the Democrats and media, no one is afraid of me!

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By Rex Huppke

Hello, everyone! I am the coup that former President Donald Trump and his henchmen attempted to oust after the 2020 presidential election.

BOO! Hah, are you scared? I do not think so. None of you seem at all afraid of me, which would be a real kick in the pants if I had legs and butt and wore pants.

No, it looks like most of you don’t know me to scare me. That’s thanks to my good friends, the Democrats, who are really not good at explaining things to the American public, and some good friends in the news media whose belief in balance is unshakable that they found a way to “both sides” is a contemplation. attack on American democracy to the point where it equates to “Did Vice President Kamala Harris buy an expensive pan?”

Yep, if I’m being honest, I’m feeling pretty much ignored here. I mean, how many times has America faced an honest-to-goodness attempt to overthrow an election? I’m a once-in-a-lifetime nightmare, people!

If you want to know a little bit about me, check out the PowerPoint put together by the eager-but-not-too-bright people who joined me. Yes, that’s right. They kinda spelled me out in a gosh darn PowerPoint presentation titled “Election Fraud, Foreign Interference and Options for 6 JAN.” Given the ingenuity of my creators, I wouldn’t be surprised if the title was: “WE’RE GOING TO MAKE AN ILLEGAL COUP AND HERE IT IS, DON’T SHARE IT WITH COPS.”

Trump’s former chief of staff, Mark Meadows, gave the PowerPoint to the Jan. 6 committee investigating me. (Sometimes it seems like only the committee members can get me, you know what I mean?)

Of course, that was back when Meadows was working with the committee. He’s not now, and he’s likely to be held in contempt in Congress this week, which is just fine with me.

It’s insane that all these people who came with me, rooted for me and nurtured me refused to be proud of me under oath. They continue to worry about self-integration. You see, I’m just a humble failed coup, but if you’re afraid that telling the truth might hurt you, alas, you seem to be at fault.

Anyhoo, those jerks can beat the sand. I news there are some in Mar-a-Lago.

Let’s go back to that PowerPoint, which, I’ll remind you, is somehow not front-page, banner-headline news in every newspaper across the country. Have you ever wondered if after former President Barack Obama was re -elected in 2012, news broke that his team had assembled a fancy set of slides titled, “If Romney Wins, Here’s the Nonsense We’ll Do to Overthrow the Election “?

Fox News would have changed its name to “THE TYRANNICAL OBAMA COUP-PLOT NETWORK” and every right-wing media pundit would never have stopped fainting.

Then I came along, born Republicans who wanted to commit crimes directly outside, and the overall media reaction was a prolonged yawn.

I matter, gosh darn it. And I’m really close to work.

Included in the PowerPoint slides are the commonly unchanged and highly refuted statements of election fraud and these easy steps for Trump to overthrow the election:

“Brief senators and congressmen on foreign interference.”

“Declare National Security Emergency.”

“Declare electronic voting invalid in all states.”

“VP Pence sat Republican Electors on Democrat protests in states where the fraud occurred.”

Pretty smooth, right? And I could have worked if not for Mike Pence’s refusal to use a completely fabricated claim of voter fraud to illegally overthrow a free and fair election. I still hate that man.

Anyhoo, the January 6 committee is clearly sitting on a small mountain of evidence showing how real I am and how close I am to achieving my dream of becoming a real coup.

The committee released a 51-page report Sunday night laying its contempt case against Meadows and showing why its members wanted to ask the former chief of staff about me.

The report said the committee had to ask Meadows about a text exchange with a Member of Congress that seemed about appointing alternate voters in some states as part of a plan the Member admitted would be ‘extremely controversial’ and which Mr. clearly said. Meadows. , ‘I really want this’; an early January 2021 text message exchange between Mr. Meadows and an organizer of the January 6th rally in Ellipse; and text messages about the former President’s need to issue a public statement that could stop the January 6 attack on the Capitol. “

Mmmmm. Everything is so beautiful and coup!

So where is the anger in me? Why am I not the No. 1 topic of discussion on coffee shops and eateries from south Florida to the northwestern state of Washington?

Democrats should be talking to me in 24/7 television ads, and the media-people who won’t be fair when democracy collapses-should help people understand how serious I am.

You notice I used the present tense at the end of that last sentence. We coups are a sneaky group!

I say “how serious am I” because I’m not done yet. You may not have made me famous today, but that just helps me prepare for the next round.

I came to the unexpected moment of courage of a malleable vice president from work. If you continue to belittle me, next time nothing will stop me!

Scared now? You should.

BOO!

Rex Huppke is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune and a well -known fan of hypocrisy. [email protected] @RexHuppke.)

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