Crypto trader Hamster outperforms S&P 500, Nasdaq and Bitcoin The Register

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A cryptocurrency trader hamster sends shockwaves through the financial world by generating higher returns than the S&P 500 Index, Nasdaq 100, and Bitcoin.

Goxx Capital, run by Mr. Goxx, a little brown hamster his colleague says he is “almost a year old”, has been trading since June of this year using a specially constructed “office” enclosure. He is claimed to have been involved in hundreds of transactions worth literally tens of dollars.

Its trading desk, known as the Goxx Box, includes a number of special tools used to make sound financial decisions. The largest of these is known as the “intent wheel,” a hamster exercise wheel bounded to determine which of about 30 different assets he will choose to swap. Then there are two “Decision Tunnels”, one marked “Buy” and the other marked “Sell”, which determine what trade he will make with the chosen currency.

The Goxx box

By running on the wheel and then through one of his decision tunnels (or sometimes both), Mr. Goxx is able to transact through an automated system running through an Arduino Nano microcontroller. The Nano also overlays graphics and updates onto the live video feed of the trading sessions Mr Goxx is broadcasting on Twitch.

Youtube video

A “Buy” decision will buy for 20% of the chosen asset, while a “Sell” decision will liquidate all of its purchases in that currency. At the close of its trading session on September 27, Mr. Goxx’s balance stood at + 19.41%, although before Bitcoin’s collapse in early September, Mr. Goxx’s hodlings were + 50%. .

Mr. Goxx ended his office hours for tonight with 1 order (s) placed.

Career performance: +63.27 EUR (+19.41%)

DISCLAIMER This content is for entertainment purposes only. The investments presented here are not financial advice.

mrgoxx (@mrgoxx) September 27, 2021

To complement these tools, Mr. Goxx ordered his human trading partner to set up a custom trading desk in the corner of the office in July, although he became so enraged at a typo on one of the screens he smashed on the floor, so you can see in the video above.

Mr. Goxx himself

His human colleague, who also maintains Mr. Goxx’s Twitter account detailing his day-to-day transactions, nonetheless defended Mr. Goxx and stated unequivocally that he was a model professional who had never tried to eat any of his furniture. office.

“Most of the time he shows excellent manners when he lives in his office,” he said. “There are no traces of his teeth anywhere, but if he decided to eat some of his furniture, that wouldn’t be a problem.

“Everything that is accessible is designed to be safe to consume and critical parts are properly covered. “

The negotiating office

The fact that he hasn’t eaten his office furniture or trading tools is probably on the safe side since his trading partner said in an interview with Protos Media that even before Bitcoin collapsed and dragged most of the money. other cryptocurrencies, Mr. Goxx’s profits were not yet enough to cover the considerable costs of building his office.

We asked what the future might hold for the high-flying rodent, but it appears he has no plans to follow fellow investors Warren Buffett and George Soros into philanthropy once he hangs up his wheel.

“No, Mr. Goxx is a ruthless business hamster,” his master told Reg. “His only goal is to someday become a crypto whale. Besides having John Oliver say, ‘There’s a fucking crypto-trader hamster.'”

But the dream of retiring as a crypto whale is still a long way off. “Since Mr. Goxx is a reputable commercial rodent, he has to calculate by subtracting about 35% tax on all of his returns, so he still has some work to do before he can really talk about making any money,” he said. declared its business partner to Protos Media.

At least he has nothing to fear from the dreaded regulators. When asked if he had been in any trouble, his business partner seemed very relaxed: “Not yet. After all, we know there is nothing in any of this that would violate the laws.”

We hope he can continue to resist the temptation to become a wheel dealer.

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