My boyfriend’s debt and loss of crypto cost me $48,000. Can I trust him?

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Dear Penny,

My boyfriend of three years has now charged my credit card for $10,000 until I put an end to it. He started a business with a food truck and says he will pay me back and not to worry. Well, he only gives me $300 a month, and $160 goes in interest.

He lives with me and only offers $300 in rent and $200 in bills. The rent is $1,000. He says times are tough for him right now and he can’t get credit cards because he declined due to his low credit rating. Yet I have not seen any evidence in the form of rejection letters. I don’t fully trust her, so I couldn’t tell her that I love her. He tells me every day that he loves me.

With crypto, he had me invest $40,000 and assured me he knew what he was doing. Well, it’s $2,000. He didn’t show me anything, so I really don’t know if he moved it to his crypto wallet or what.

I hate arguing or having discussions because he is never clear with me. He also owes me $900 in cash because he’s behind on rent and bills. What should I do?

-L.

Robin Hartil [ The Penny Hoarder ]

Dear L.,

Manipulative people thrive when others are perpetually confused, so don’t expect clarity from your boyfriend. Instead, listen to your instincts.

You know you can’t trust your boyfriend. You know he took nearly $50,000 from you in three years. The bleeding will only continue if you stay. I think you know what you have to do: you have to end this relationship.

I wish you could change the locks tomorrow and get him out of your life. But you won’t get any cooperation from your boyfriend once you dump him, so it’s important to be prepared, even if it means delaying things a bit. Avoid bringing up relationship issues and your lack of confidence in the talks you need to have. Stick to the financial matters at hand.

Since your boyfriend owes you almost $11,000, I would ask him to sign a promissory note for your peace of mind. At least if he’s willing, you’ll have it in writing that he’s agreed to pay you back. If he doesn’t, you can use that as evidence if you sue him. Of course, getting a judgment doesn’t mean you’ll collect a judgment. If your boyfriend has no income or assets, you are unlikely to get your money back.

Make sure to remove your boyfriend from all credit accounts if he has authorized user status. Also request a replacement card for each account in case your card number is saved. You will also want to pull each of your credit reports from AnnualCreditReport.com and confirm that they have not accrued additional debt on your behalf.

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You also need to get information about the crypto he bought with your money. And I get your reluctance to ask questions here given that crypto is notoriously confusing and filled with outlandish claims.

But what you really need to understand here are the five Ws, i.e. what type of crypto he bought, where it is stored, when he bought it, etc. If he bought some obscure cryptocurrency, it’s entirely possible that a $40,000 investment could be worth only $2,000 today, although I wouldn’t rule out the possibility that he either took some of that money. You might tell him that you need this information because you plan to cash out and deduct some of your losses for tax purposes.

Finally, you need a plan for your life situation. I don’t know if both of your names are on the lease, but even if it’s only in your name, your state may consider him a tenant since he paid certain expenses. If you want to stay and don’t think your boyfriend would leave if you let him down, you’ll want to consult with a lawyer about the formal eviction process.

Even if you follow all the advice I just gave, it’s important to be realistic. You may never get your money back. But please don’t let this reality hold you back.

Think about lessons you can apply to future relationships. Don’t go into debt for a future partner or let them invest money on your behalf.

But takeaways aren’t just financial. Whenever someone responds with Don’t worry, I love you for your legitimate concerns, your instinct should be to run. Arguing is healthy in a relationship. So don’t let the fear of fighting make you ignore the reality staring you in the eye.

Robin Hartill is a Certified Financial Planner and Senior Writer at The Penny Hoarder. Send your tricky money questions to [email protected].

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