Donald Trump Moonlights As DJ Today

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Photo: Ben Hasty (Getty Images)

You know what tastes better to me than Donald Trump owning the nuclear codes, commanding the US military, pulling the country out of the Paris Climate Accord and trying to buy Greenland? Donald Trump sits in his own members-only Florida country club every Thursday night, putting ketchup on his burnt-ass steak, and playing Memory from the musical Cats, surrounded by friends and fans.

Page Six reported on Friday that Mar-a-Lago guests make sure they head out for dinner every Thursday, because that’s when Trump handles the tunes. An insider told the outlet that the former president is on an iPad mostly from his desk so he eats and plays games. He likes 80s and Broadway tunes like Phantom of the Opera and Celine Dion, Titanic. (I think they mean My Heart Will Go On, but Ill let this source slide.) The insider added that Trump also makes room for votes at these DJ gigs, so he’s probably happy to float out old- man-country-club-DJ-land and leaving us all alone are unfortunately not looking too good.

This report is especially funny because it brings to mind a hilarious Trump rumor from former White House press secretary Stephanie Grishams 2021 book, Ill Take Your Questions Now. Grisham writes that the Trump White House has an assigned Music Man on staff to play show tunes for Trump, he also specifically mentions Memory from Cat so he doesn’t fly off the handle. Politico reports that the aide in charge of the music therapy is Max Miller, Grishams ex. More from the Insider:

Trump liked to call Miller The Music Man, mainly because he could hum a few bars of a song, and Max would know what it was, or he would know in a very short time, the person they were working with. at the White House told Politico.

The report said Miller’s talents come in handy when Trump is in a bad mood; someone who worked for Trump and who Miller reported to Politico that it’s a good time Max comes when Trump’s not happy, so he can check the order of songs or something.

It makes sense, then, that instead of running for president again it’s a job that clearly stresses Trump because he doesn’t have any clue how to do what he should be leaning towards doing what he loves, which is playing and listening to schmaltzy music. If this guy doesn’t actually end up in jail for his various crimes, the next best thing is for him to just hang around in a soothing, Groundhogs Day-style time loop, perfectly content with his DJ gigs in Thursday night and can’t fuck. up geopolitics. DJ Donnie at Ones and Twos!

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