I have a holiday party dress dilemma. Ask Kit

“I’m excited to host this year’s (smaller, COVID caution) gathering, at my house. But we were all very out of practice and I was nervous about setting the right pitch. My biggest fear is going to parties and finding me too dressed up or too relaxed. I once wore (nice, new) jeans to a party and, when I caught a glimpse of a woman in rhinestones and her date in a suit through the window, I walked through the house and home! Can you help me with ideas on what to wear to make all my guests feel most comfortable?” — Name Withheld, Downtown Toronto

None of us want to stick out like a sore thumb. It’s the stuff the rolls of shame (flashbacks that happen over the years, unsolicited, at random moments of insomnia) are made of. We are social creatures, or at least as we usually are, and members of the herd have a strong desire to be a part. for humans, clothes is a key marker of ownership.

In the old, black-and-white movies of the 1940s, when everyone would automatically put on a dinner jacket or long dress, things would have been easy. In our modern era of all-fashion, party wear running a very wide gamut indeed. Your guests are likely just as lost as you are.

The good news here is that you have the opportunity to help your guests long before they arrive at your door (or are tempted to walk through your window). Talia Brown Thall, a Toronto celebrity stylist and amazing woman about the city, has some very good and concrete advice to share about your dilemma. We agree with you, Name Withheld: what the hostess wears is important.

“It’s fun to set the mood for the evening right off the stage,” said Brown Thall. “Give your guests a hint of what you have planned for the decor, food and activities.” If you explain that it’s going to be a cocktail party with legalized hors d’oeuvres, it’ll give your guests the cue to dig into cocktail gear, like in a classic Audrey Hepburn knee-length sheath dress or a fancy “out” blouse. “If it’s game night you can suggest casual wear and yes, it can totally be fancy pajamas.”

Don’t worry if you sent an invitation a long time ago; You can send a little reminder note with more details up to the soirée day. Brown Thall is a fan of layering in subtle hints over obvious hints: “If the evenings are dark and sexy, use a black font. If it’s a cozy night at home with board games, go for light blue. If your theme is classic party, go for red and add mistletoe. But be sure to add direct comments as well: like, ‘We’re going to have a bonfire’ … or dance … or wine and cheese.’ If it’s a fondue night, suggest a chalet outfit. The more specific you are, the better. ”

After that, she says, approach dressing as a layered project. “If you’re at home, take advantage of the fact that you can sneak into your bedroom and add layers and accessories or take them off all night, to match your outfit with what your guests are displaying.” You can start with that versatile little black gown, “The one you’ve been dying to wear for the last two years,” says Brown Thall. “Make sure it fits. The main thing is that you feel comfortable physically: it sets the tone if you feel comfortable.” In other words, picking out your tights or pulling up your dress all night makes you look, and other people feel uncomfortable.

Adding texture is a good idea, says Brown Thall, as is brocade or sequins. Velvet is back in a big way, from clothes to headbands to bags to shoes. “For the holidays, velvet can really enhance an appearance.”

Then start piling up the fun stuff. Add a faux fur bolero jacket. Or kimonos. Or a glitter blazer. Finally, she said, “add brooches, add pearls, add earrings, do it all! You can peel things off as you move through the night. Mix high and low, new and vintage. This is a great time for a cocktail ring, tailor-made to throw a party.”

Then came the important issue of shoe. “Bring back the shoe bag!” he says. Dealing with the Canadian winter means both hosts and partygoers need to plan footwear in advance; no one wants a dirty and drenched front entry. “Prepare a tray for boots, under a rolling rack for coats,” advises Brown Thall. “And since everyone isn’t going to think about bringing shoes, you can pull out a basket of dollar store slippers or hotel slippers that you’ve collected over time.”

For hosts and guests alike, party shoes are an opportunity to up your game. You may want to wear something fancy and tall, so that you feel confident when you walk around. Or you can take advantage of the luxury sandal trend. Brown Thall points to a pair of beautiful Ulla Johnson slip-on flats and notes that he saw a similar pair on a jewel-encrusted Zara. “I love pom-poms in party sandals now,” she adds. “Or you can find one with a large bow.” It’s an opportunity to be great, he says, and accessories are a way to improve (or take down) something without a huge investment or commitment.

Finally, Brown Thall had a really fun idea I wanted to try, a way to make sure everyone has an equal opportunity to add and remove layers. “Make a dressing table. Now that should be an item you never need to get back, so you won’t lose it if someone leaves with your pair of long night gloves. Instead, go somewhere like H&M or Zara, he says, and buy some bling. “They have great stuff and it’s not luck. Plus you can reuse it for years. When people come, invite them to play dress-up. This will help ensure everyone feels the same style of dress and it’s a fun activity.”

Shopping Suggestions

Add fun and sparkle to a basic outfit with accessories

Bird sandals, $210, birdies.com

Whatever the dress code, carrying a beautiful pair of sandals in a shoe bag will make you a VIP guest: Save the rug, add shine, style and texture to your look, with extra comfort.

Urban Outfitters Brooch, $22, urbanoutfitters.com

Butterflies are a girl’s best friend!

BlankNYC Jacket, $108, nordstrom.ca

A faux fur jacket is a quick way to add texture and 1920s Gatsby glamor to your holiday party look.

Swarovski Ring, $249, swarovski.ca

Cocktail rings are the perfect accessory for both party hostess and party guests: choose bold colors and large formats to draw attention to your holiday nails.

Zara Earrings, $26, zara.com

Holiday earrings, like decorations, can be pulled out every festive season for a fresh shine.

When you make a purchase via a link in this article, we may earn a small commission. Our journalism is independent and unaffected by advertising. Study again.