Sleep disturbances are associated with more parental stress

Editor’s note: Dr Neha Chaudhary, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, is Chief Medical Officer at BeMe Health and on faculty at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School.

CNN
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When I found out I was expecting my son a few years ago, it wasn’t the labor process that terrified me the most – it was the sleep deprivation I knew I would face with a new -born for months, without respite.

As a doctor, I had spent a decade of my life working at night, over 30 hours on call, and nights of sleep interrupted by the awful beeping of my pager. I knew how my brain and I worked on the other side of the lack of sleep. We were a ball of stress, nervous and slow to process information; we had delayed reflexes, we craved the most unhealthy foods possible, and it felt like everything was a mountain.

And yet, nothing prepared me for the unique sleep deprivation of parenthood. Becoming a new parent meant, unlike those on-call periods and night shifts in training, there were no after periods to simply crash and catch up. Until my child sleeps well, I will not sleep well.

And I wondered, as all parents and guardians do, if it was just me felt so bad after lack of sleep. (I made it to the other side, eventually.)

It turns out that was not the case. According to a new study, disturbed sleep in parents and disturbed sleep in their children are each correlated with increased stress in parents. In fact, it didn’t matter whether the parent had a sleep disorder or the child had one. Both also affected parents’ stress levels.

The real kicker? Stressed parents don’t sleep well. Neither do stressed children. So the more sleep deprived all family members are, the more stressed they all are – and the more stressed they are, the more they sleep. Sometimes all the stress even leads to anxiety and depression. In the study, rates of anxiety and depression were about four times higher among stressed people. (And we know that anxiety and depression also impact sleep.)

For any sleep-deprived parent or caregiver, these results come as no surprise. But as a child and adolescent psychiatrist, I firmly believe that seemingly endless patterns are breakable and conditions are treatable.

If you and your family are stuck in the “no sleep” trap, the first thing you can do is invest in family sleep. Because it doesn’t matter who isn’t sleeping well, if you’re under the same roof, chances are it’ll affect everyone.

Make sure you are focused on good sleep hygieneincluding a consistent bedtime and a calming bedtime routine with the right sleep environment (think: cool, dark and not right after eating) and without screentime. I highly recommend modeling these behaviors even for very young children. He’ll thank you later, and given the connection between your stress and his sleep, you’ll thank yourself now.

Remember, it doesn’t just start and end with sleep – there’s also stress. So focus on reducing stress levels for everyone at home. You can try mindfulness meditation or sensory experiences like aromatherapy, candlelight, soothing music, or warm baths in the tub — or your version of whatever calms you down.

Practice coping skills in times of high stress, such as deep breathing, calling a friend, or distracting yourself with a mindful, routine (even boring, like folding laundry) activity.

There are plenty of apps you can download to help you and your kids through stressful times and learn healthy sleep habits. And if problems persist, get professional help, whether it’s for sleep issues or stress. Many sleep disorders, such as Sleep Apnea, can go undiagnosed for years, affecting the quality of life of parents and children. So can conditions like anxiety or depression.

Whether it’s your GP, your child’s pediatrician, a therapist, or a psychiatrist, if you’re stuck in the “no sleep” trap and it’s really harming your family, make an appointment. You could sleep better tonight.