What is toxic positivity? How it affects us and what to do about it

Many people started the coronavirus pandemic with plans to learn a new skill or improve as quarantine forced us to lock up. However, some have discussed how the mind of focusing on the positive can sometimes slip into an unhealthy pattern.

Here, we break down the meaning of toxic positivity, how it can affect us, and what we can do about it.

What is toxic positivity?

Toxic positivity is the tendency to focus or rely heavily on optimism in all situations and all aspects of life.

While this might not seem like a bad thing to some, it can become toxic when negative reactions to our surroundings or emotional experiences are repressed or ignored.

Natalie Dattilo, a clinical health psychologist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, described it to The Washington Post: “While cultivating a positive mindset is a powerful coping mechanism, toxic positivity stems from the idea that the best or only way to deal with a bad situation is to put it on a positive side and don’t dwell on the negative.

“This results from our tendency to underestimate negative emotional experiences and overestimate positive ones.”

The Psychology Group defines it as a form of excess, favoring the positive over a dangerous excess. The group’s Samara Quintero and Jamie Long define toxic positivity “as the excessive and ineffective generalization of a happy and optimistic state in all situations.”

How toxic positivity affects us

Quintero and Long say that focusing only on the positive can force us to “deny the validity of real human experience.”

They write on their blog: “The process of toxic positivity results in the denial, minimization and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.

“Like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence the human experience, it becomes toxic.

“By denying the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions.”

This shows that one of the results of toxic positivity is to deny negative issues in our lives and suppress our true feelings, or in some cases, deny us the possibility of feeling anything.

They write how this can sometimes be a manifestation of shame, adding: “Where there are hiding places, secrets and denials, shame is usually in the driver’s seat.

“Shame is crippling to the human mind and one of the most uncomfortable feelings we can have. Often times, we don’t even know we are feeling ashamed.”

British charity Young Minds blog about how toxic positivity can also negatively impact those who don’t experience it themselves.

In fact, dealing with someone who perpetuates toxic positivity can mean that those with mental health issues find that their struggles are being ignored.

They write: “It is clear that toxic positivity has a detrimental effect – it can make people feel rejected, alone and frustrated.

“When people are already in trouble, these are the last feelings they need.”

What to do about toxic positivity

Young Minds approaches toxic positivity in two ways: as a person who goes through it and as a person who reacts to it.

For the latter, they suggest talking to the person whose toxic positivity is harming you and being honest about how that is affecting your mental health.

For the first, New York therapist Jenny Maenpaa told HuffPost’s Brittany Wong that a key way is to accept what we may be feeling and to recognize seemingly conflicting emotions in our lives.

She said, “You can combat toxic positivity by acknowledging or acknowledging that several complex emotions can exist within you at the same time.

“You can be devastated by the loss of life from COVID-19 and enjoy the hygge of quarantine. “

Maenpaa also suggests that coping strategies such as journaling can be helpful in helping us deal with the emotions and anxieties that make us toxic.

She said: “Another strategy is to keep a journal before bed or whenever you feel overwhelmed, as our brains can hold many short-term thoughts at a time just in case we need to. any time.

“This means that when we think about our fears or anxieties, our brain codes them as important and keeps them front and center.

“By writing down these fears and anxieties, even though there is nothing we can do about it, we have told our brains that it is okay to let them go because we are taking care of them.”

Young Minds also suggests practicing helpful positivity, to uplift those in difficulty and acknowledge our feelings.

They write: “Having a positive outlook on mental health shouldn’t ignore that sometimes our mental health makes us feel sad or stressed.

“It helps to recognize these feelings so that people don’t feel bad for feeling bad.”

Finally, it is important to take action, and if we find out that we are toxic, we may need to seek professional help in dealing with the emotions.