Boris managed to arrive late to the last chance salon | John Kress

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When one of the themes of your speech is that the clock is one minute to midnight and you have 60 seconds left to save the world, it’s not the best look to show up on stage 30 minutes later than planned. Delay is better than no delay Not quite the Cop26 message. The time to waste is over. Countries need to act now. But then Boris Johnson and other world leaders may have had the same problems they face entering Glasgow Hall as all other gamblers.

Johnson is kind of a belated turn to the reality of the climate crisis. We know that and he knows it. He even admitted that it was only when he got to Downing Street and the academics walked him through the flag that money really brought him down. So you might have thought the Prime Minister would have chosen to have done it somewhat more directly in welcoming everyone to Glasgow. Just thank them all for coming and make them aware of the responsibility they take to save the planet.

Only Boris could not do it seriously. needs attention. laughter needs. So what should have been a plea for world leaders to set aside their self-interest and act constructively began with references to James Bond. If he had stopped at that, he might have gotten away with it. But Bertie Booster is compulsively needed. So the rest of his short speech was full of bad gags. Cows are farting. Boris will likely still be prime minister in 2060 when he was 94 years old. More indications that not everyone is capable of looking like James Bond.

All of this was met with silence from the world leaders assembled in the pavilion. And the quieter it was, the more desperate Johnson became. You could see flashes of panic in his eyes. This is not to say that there was not some good material between attempts at laughter. There was an admission that the world was now at the last chance parlor and that the children would not forgive those present in Glasgow if they blew it up. This more “blah, blah, blah” – Greta Thunberg TM – won’t cut it. This work is now required to save humanity.

“We can do that,” Bertie Buster said. And we can. You are the only one who can tell from the response – or lack thereof – that everyone has been wondering if Johnson was the man to lead us to the promised zero-carbon land. Boris once again misjudged his fans. They came for cuteness and were very light in weight, very choppy, and very clearly unethical not only for the most dangerous game but also the only game in town.

If you’re having a good time with nothing at stake, then Boris is your man. When the bets are that much, it’s not that much. Even Prince Charles was checking his phone during Boris’ speech. Because Bertie Booster at the core is just another self-interest enhancer. He can’t even speak to speak, let alone walk the road. His budget last week – and his budget was more than that of Rishi – did not mention the climate crisis. In fact, he has cut air passenger duty. Not to mention the reopening of the coal mines.

After many warnings from climate activists from the Pacific and the Andes, there were brief but noteworthy speeches from the UN Secretary-General, Antonio Guterres, and Prince Charles outlining the facts of the situation. The Prince of Wales even went so far as to say the world should be at war. Then it was left to 95-year-old David Attenborough to inject some much-needed passion and passion into the procedures.

Against a solid backdrop of movies, stats and music, Attenborough put his heart to the test. When he says the world is in a doomsday scenario, you believe him. He is a man who devoted his life to saving the natural world. Not a fanatic who has attended countless previous climate change conferences where he has learned to hedge his bets and make the most vague promises, he is quite sure he has no chance of keeping them. There was electricity in the hall when Attenborough said we could turn tragedy into triumph. Or maybe it was just collective guilt.

Attenborough certainly seemed to galvanize the politicians who followed him. Mia Amor Motley, Prime Minister of Barbados, did not soften her words. The climate crisis was not an academic topic for her: it was a reality. If nothing is done, her island will disappear. “We want to live in 100 years,” she said. She dared suggest that Cop26 might actually be a failure due to the non-attendance of presidents Xi Jinping, Vladimir Putin, Jair Bolsonaro and Recep Tayyip Erdogan, but she made clear the financial facts. Developed countries had raised £9 trillion in quantitative easing to deal with Covid. So giving £500 billion a year to developing countries shouldn’t be out of the question. Although the richest countries at the moment have not kept their promise to give 100 billion pounds annually.

The opening session concluded with Italian Mario Draghi expressing his disappointment that the last G-20 in Rome ended with such a weak agreement on climate change. But so far, most world leaders are tired of being reminded of their failures and are starting to get upset. It’s time for lunch and some side meetings. It would be nice if Cop26 was successful, but no one was counting on it. And some don’t seem to be bothered. If the national interest is chosen or the planet is saved, the world may burn.

Quiet Farewell by John Chris (Guardian Faber, £9.99). To support Guardian and Observer, order your copy at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.

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