Harry Kane scored four goals against San Marino and seven during the international break

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As this article is being written, England are still playing San Marino in the World Cup qualifiers and are leading 10-0. It is very likely that the end result will be higher. Tottenham Hotspur striker Harry Kane scored four of those goals, two of them from a penalty kick and all in the first half, before replacing Reece James in the middle of the second half.

Now, combine that with Kane’s perfect hat-trick against Albania on Friday and this… [counts on fingers] Seven! Seven goals last week ah-ah-ah.

These two games were guaranteed to win England, and Kane never needed to start or even play in either of them. So why score against international players like the coolest bullies on the track? He is trying to break a record.

Specifically, Harry desperately wants to chase Wayne Rooney’s England goal record of 53 goals. With today’s total, Kane has now fired himself up to 48 goals, tied for third with Gary Lineker and one goal behind Sir Bobby Charlton. It does seem somewhat likely that Kane will outshine Rooney at some point even without the stats against the 63 and 210 ranked teams in the FIFA World Rankings, but it seems he insisted on playing and Gareth Southgate agreed to captain England.

Kane’s production this season now stands at 20 goals in 22 appearances in all competitions for club and country. However, 13 of those goals came against San Marino, Albania, Andorra, Pacos de Ferreira and [checks notes] N.S. Mora.

The coolest road bullies. But I guess that’s how you break records these days, isn’t it? Good job Harry – I mean, scoring a group full of goals isn’t easy no matter who they’re up against and you can only (choose) play the teams in front of you. Thankfully, we were all spared from Harry rolling his ankle in these dumb games while chasing Wayne last week. Now let’s hope he can start scoring Premier League goals starting this weekend in Leeds.

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