Today’s kids love the iPhone because they’re afraid not to

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As perhaps the world’s leading authority on the Apple Doom Cult, titles like these come as a bit of a shock to the system.

“Apple’s popularity with Gen Z poses challenges for Android”

Perhaps it is because we have reached the last generation, Gen Z. Now we are at the end of the game.

Young Americans prefer Apple over rival companies by significant margins, driving a generational shift to Apple devices and social pressure, reports the Financial Times.

This shocking news comes almost exactly 10 years after we were told that… let the Macalope dust off this big binder full of clippings he keeps… ah yes, here it is:

…in the eyes of today’s youth, the massive popularity has watered down Apple’s coolness.

This was definitely going to be a big deal for Apple. No one would ever buy Apple products again except the old and decrepit ones. Also, the conclusion was that the big winner could be…

You’re sitting? Is your mouth clear of all liquids? All right. Then the Macalope will proceed.

Blue raspberry.

Yep, here’s an actual quote from 2013:

…Research In Motion (RIM) is attempting to get back into the youth space and has aligned itself with a few youth-oriented brands, including Extreme International, to develop Blackberry-specific mobile apps and programs targeting 16-20 year olds.

IDG

“Back to the youth space”?! When has BlackBerry ever been in the youth space?! That idea has a lot of “middle-aged, balding divorcee driving slowly across a college campus in a convertible” energy.

Anyway, needless to say, none of this happened.

Of course, today’s yoots (that’s how it’s pronounced, the Macalope won’t answer questions) aren’t the same yoots (NO QUESTIONS!) from 10 years ago. But, let’s face it, it was kind of silly at the time, no matter how old those kids are now. And neither is the premium nonsense you get in one of your handcrafted pig washing outfits. Standard, Great Depression-era government surplus nonsense. You barely cleaned your pigs. Because other surveys at the time showed Apple products doing quite well with young people.

Sadly it seems that today’s children exist in a quantum state where they are fine and not fine depending on whether they are being observed or not.

According to the report, younger consumers are concerned about being socially ostracized for not having an iPhone, a phenomenon that is driving young people to purchase other Apple products and services, leading to growing market share in more product categories.

Okay, not cool, younger consumers. (Referring to kids as “younger consumers” isn’t cool either, but that’s a different issue.) No one should be ostracized based on what kind of phone they have or whether their chat bubbles appear blue or green. And honestly, Apple should do something to make this less obvious. The company almost certainly won’t because, hey, free lock-in, but it should.

But the iPhone’s popularity among young people isn’t based solely on a fear of being emotionally upset or metaphorically trampled on by bullies who use Apple. Because, as research shows, the same tendency to prefer Apple products also exists in Europe, where the use of iMessage is not as widespread.

The Macalope has been pretty consistently of the opinion that, yes, of course, Apple products are popular with young people. They are premium products and young people are not dummies. At the same time, they are not “all that”. (Want to feel old? The time when kids said “all of this” is closer to the Big Bang than it is today. Fact.) Which is to say, they’re not as popular as Piper Sandler says they are all year. As the Macalope has noted repeatedly in the past, Piper Sandler’s polls tend to exclude low-income children. Maybe those guys twist Android, maybe not, but you can’t say “LOVE BOYS” unless you, you know, look into guys.

He calls Macalope crazy, but he thinks those Apple products will do just fine. Hashtag controversial opinion.

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