How to silence your biggest critics those inner voices that insist on self-improvement

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I have often had a fiery spirit. I am ambitious, I tell myself. But if I’m honest, my ambition is often a vicious sniper, promising happiness while spraying me with self-attack: you should be further away, weigh less, have more self-esteem, throw a movement, marry money. That kind of ambition, a festival of regrets or a successful siren song one day gets me down.

By Leif-E, CC license

Happiness comes from being in the moment, this moment. Every therapist or guru says the same thing.

You don’t do it right, you have to learn to go with the flow, shouts Zen Girl, my self-improvement Alter Ego. And believe me, I want to tell her where she can go.

I am in this secret race to be somewhere else. Better yet, be someone else, someone better than me. I called this ambition. But, really, his self-surrender.

My healing comes from loving myself where I am and as I am. Everything else is a frenzied and impoverished way of being in my one and only sacred life.

Peace is here, not there in a fantasy that I have. If there wasn’t something here for me, I wouldn’t be here. The magic is there. I might not see it yet, but I know I will never see it until I start looking for it where I am. My life reflects intelligent design, and my true Self still has my highest interests encoded in the program.

The media remind us: a better life is out there just around the corner or with a purchase. But, I dare to welcome love into my life right now. I call my life holy and I come fully to this moment, as it is. It’s not always pretty, but it’s still sacred.

I don’t give up on my dreams. I renounce my criticism. I take back what I already have. It’s empowerment.

This is where the journey begins: I don’t want to be anywhere else.

I wrote these words for myself, a sort of incantation, a recipe for freedom. My ego, the part of me that rushes to the finish line, even if it means missing or rejecting my whole life, backs off when I say these words.

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I don’t want to be anywhere else. These are words of luxury. These are mysterious words. These are words of quantum healing. I sit on the blue silk pillow of my real life. If, if only for this moment, I stop seeking, demanding, suffering and ruminating.

For part of me, it’s as awkward as stepping back. But really all I’m doing isn’t rejecting my own life.

I don’t want to be anywhere else. This is what it means to stop and receive. I am like a hungry bird and the only source of nutrition is my present life. It’s not over there or below. It doesn’t come later, and it doesn’t improve. I’m better. I improve myself by discovering the strange instruction of my own life.

I don’t want to be anywhere else. I abandon the fierce efforts. It is beautiful to achieve a deeper expression of joy or devotion. But I want to let go of any self-hatred that propels me forward.

The cracks are where the light enters, says word magician Leonard Cohen. I will see the cracks in my life. They too are part of my treasure. They too have the nutrition of the soul. That’s why they’re here. Everything has something to give me. When I see my life with loving eyes, I understand what’s here.

I don’t want to be anywhere else. Everything has always awaited me like a white bowl of hand-picked blueberries. Only I wanted to sit at someone else’s table. I wanted another fruit. I wanted another life. This desire has cost me more than I realize. I’m not going to pay that price anymore. I will take hold of the only existence I have. I grab my blueberries, my exhausting day or confusion, frustration or elation.

Here are the words that came to me in my journal:

It’s your life. It’s not broken. It is unloved. And he is not liked by you.

That doesn’t mean I won’t walk out of the rain in a dry place. This means that I will not minimize the rain. I won’t condemn the rain. I will move on. I will go where I am called and where I belong.

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Yes, I will definitely be dreaming about what I wish my life was to be, and I will invest and create those dreams. I will get up. But not with irritation or deprivation in my heart. I don’t want to run away from my own day, my own breathing, my own effort, or even lack of effort. From this point on, I refuse to smear and intimidate my own existence in the name of realizing my potential. I don’t want to be anywhere else. This is my mantra. It’s my saber. This is my ticket.

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For me, it’s a practice, the practice of a lifetime. I am learning that acceptance is something I want and it is not a form of resignation. The acceptance is fierce. When I truly accept myself where I am, it is a surge of compassion and a leap of awakening.

Acceptance is the willingness to embrace your life, your one true, beautiful, empowering, disappointing, shocking, devastating, and intriguing life.

It is the decision to stay present and not to slip into the destructive current of resistance and rejection. Acceptance is a form of self-blessing, the secret catalyst that is galvanizing the whole hell of a race right now.

Harvard Law School graduate with honors Tama Kieves left her law firm to write and help others create their most extraordinary lives. She is the bestselling author of 4 books including A Year Without Fear: 365 Days of Magnificence and her latest Thriving Through Uncertainty. A sought-after speaker and career / success coach, she has helped thousands of people thrive in their lives, vocations and businesses. Sign up to receive your FREE digital fortune cookies and a free copy of her popular Dare to Decide webinar at www.tamakieves.com/dare.

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