Ask Amy: Woman criticizes ex-sisters for failing to warn her about her squalid past

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Dear Amy: Several years ago, I was physically assaulted and seriously injured by a man I had dated, on and off, for several years. I had him arrested.

He was charged and given one year of probation. I got a restraining order.

My problem is with his family. After the attack, his sisters informed me that: he was a pathological liar, he had served time in prison for DWI, he had a history of sponging women and members of his family, and his ex-wife had divorced because of her alcoholism. .

This man drove my car frequently, and his sisters knew it. And they also knew that because of the DWI offense, he would never have a driver’s license again.

I saw them several times throughout our relationship and was friends with the two on Facebook, but neither of them ever said a word to me about their brother.

I now check their FB regularly to see if their brother is dating anyone. Because if he is, I intend to tell him everything.

So far nothing. But I think warning potential victims is their responsibility, not mine. What do you think?

Seriously concerned

Dear Concerned People: I can understand why you harbor feelings of bitterness towards this whole family, but by placing the responsibility of protecting women on these sisters, you seem to be essentially asking them to watch over their brother.

I totally agree that once they found out that you have a long-term relationship with him, these sisters should have informed you of his terrible toll and his felony conviction.

However, the sibling relationship is very different from an intimate partner relationship. These sisters never went out with him (we hope). They don’t have the option of not being related to him. He could be as threatening to them as he was to you. Or they might have thought he had changed during his relationship with you.

You don’t have conflicting feelings or beliefs about her like her sisters do.

You know firsthand how dangerous he is and you have access to his arrest record and injunction to prove it.

Yes, if you find out that they are dating someone, you need to let them know. Understand that anything you agree to write (on Facebook Messenger, for example) can be shared, so be careful. Your warning could save another woman from harm.

Dear Amy: Through a DNA website, I recently connected with a girl I gave up for adoption 40 years ago.

This connection has been a great experience, and we both look forward to spending many more years getting to know each other.

My husband and I have two grown daughters who have met this woman and her family, and everyone gets along well.

The adopted daughter is very successful professionally and financially. Our two daughters are solidly middle class, just like us.

Our dilemma is: how will we distribute our goods in our will?

Should we discuss it with them?

Advice please!

Wrestling in Sacramento

Dear Strugglers: It is truly inspiring to learn that a successful and peaceful family experience is like the one you are having right now. Credit goes to all of you, including the parents of your adopted children, who seem to have raised a successful and well-adjusted person.

I am amazed at how often I get questions on how to divide assets, when the answer is always: as you want! It is wiser to discuss this with an experienced and qualified estate planning attorney who can advise you on the estate laws in which you live.

You might make a choice every now and then and later change your mind and go through the process of amending your will to reflect the change.

I am of the opinion, however, that you should not discuss this with your daughters during the planning phase. At this point, even though the decision will ultimately impact them, your decision-making process is not about them.

Dear Amy: Anxious in Georgia had a husband who was trying to put her in a threesome (or his cheating) with his friend.

It made me laugh when I remembered a similar incident with a friend of mine.

The husband wanted a threesome with another woman, so my friend got recruited.

Very quickly, however, the two women fall in love with each other, form a couple, and the husband remains alone.

This husband did not quite understand what he was looking for.

Hit!

Always laughing

Dear Chuckling: It’s a pretty juicy story about how we met.

You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.

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