The Road to Recovery from Childhood Sexual Abuse: After an Allegation, What Next?

[ad_1]

LAWYERS: COURAGE OF VICTIMS, ISSUES OF MENTAL ENDURANCE

Even when a case is won in court, there is no success, family lawyer Dharma Jayaram said.

The damage is irreversible on the person. There’s a whole part of them that they can’t reconnect with because of what happened.

I have never seen a successful case where the person is relieved, only validated. There is no victory in sexual abuse. I want to be very clear on this.

Ms Jayaram explained that the investigative process sets something in motion, so while the result might not support the abuse allegation, there are still consequences to bear.

This can further ruin the relationship, intensify the acrimony between the ex-spouses. There is a finality in a divorce, but such an allegation can rekindle acrimony. Then the kid is caught in the middle of it again, she said.

What then compels lawyers like Ms. Jayaram to take on a case?

For Ms. Jayaram, the starting point would be her client’s courage, which usually means at least one parent and their child.

I am as strong as them. I’m not a vigilante, I can’t (just) fight for them. They are going to live this life. What if i do something and win all they have to do? And (what if) they can’t (accept the outcome), and they don’t want to? she said.

Because of this, she needs to know what her clients want when they approach her.

If the general reason is that you want to protect yourself and your daughter, for example, then I can do that. But if you want (public) justice, a demonstration of something, you won’t get it. Family courts are pretty private so we know there is a gag order because it’s a child, she said.

But most of the time, if they got this far, they just don’t want (the abuse) to happen again. They don’t care if (the abuser) is punished; they don’t care if it disappears.

Ms Jayaram also illustrated the lack of purpose if, for example, the alleged perpetrator of the child was the father.

As a wife, I can create purpose in my life by getting a divorce. But a child cannot create finality if the court never considers him to be an author. (The man) can still be an ex-husband, but he can never be an ex-father. There is nothing like it, she said.

Some of his clients end up withdrawing their claims as the case progresses due to fatigue.

Court cases have certain time limits. It’s not like I can make the request and go to court today, and it’s all heard today. There will be a chance for the other person to respond, she added.

If the abuser doesn’t stay in the same house, maybe there is some mental toughness that people can use to get through. But if the abuser stays in the same neighborhood or in the same house, or has (applied to) continue to see the child, then there is a certain fatigue that will strike people. There’s a certain, like, I can’t do that.

It takes time to get justice, she admitted.

Time dilutes the seriousness of an action. (Some customers) backtrack because the emergency is not triggered. It is not done on purpose; it’s just the way it is.

[ad_2]