EX-ETIQUETTE: Stay away from blame games | Way of life

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Jean Blackstone Tribunnews Service

NS: I have a bonus family. My husband has two children and I have two children. I added my son 3 years ago. I tried your suggestion to discuss the air difference with your family, but things seem to get out of hand. What is a good label?

NS: Family chats are a great way to solve a problem, but you have to be careful that the bonus family is not just a session discrepancy, but a forum for conflict resolution. When the discussion is filled with “you always do this” or “you never do it”, the conversation gets out of hand.

Why? It is human nature to hear the first two words and to always and never lose sight of the point of view. When these words enter the debate, people defend themselves and do not listen. Their reaction is rare. Sorry. I did not notice. It’s usually “I don’t!” Or “No, I don’t!” The general reaction is “You too!” “. Go back and forth until you lose sight of and fight for a fight.

Stay away from the blame game whenever you express your difference or seek a solution to your problem with someone. Have your family use iMessages to explain their feelings. There is a very simple model that can be followed and that actually works in the discussion.

Use “I feel” instead of “you always”:

Express your feelings. Describe the problematic behavior. Please indicate the impact this will have on you. Say what you want to see.

So, “You’re always yelling at me for no reason!” Children always say, “It hurts when I talk (feelings) (unpleasant behavior). I want to cry, I don’t want to hear (it gives you Impact). ), And I wish I could talk to me without yelling at me (what you wanna see). “

Now you talk about yourself, you don’t blame them.

The model of family debate that I often propose – sitting on rules that your family has designed specifically for your family – is inevitably born. When my husband and I wanted to talk to the kids about what we thought we needed to improve, we approached it from a “we’re all together” approach.

The family discussion went very well. What was interesting was when the kids called for family discussions about us. We sat on the floor. I never thought that what they were doing, which was working for hours, bothered them. When my daughter was 8 and my bonus daughter was 9, they clashed and called for family talks. They described their case very clearly and what they wanted to see (reduction of working hours). My husband and I found it very interesting, but we were also very grateful that the model we had installed worked. It gave everyone the feeling that they could politely discuss how they were feeling.

So take a look at your approach. Do you use the family discussion model as a problem-solving tool or as a frustration method? You may need to modify what you are doing to suit your specific needs. Try to stay flexible. This is the right label.

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EX-ETIQUETTE: Stay away from blame games | Way of life

Source link EX-ETIQUETTE: Stay away from blame games | Way of life

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