How to accept criticism and feedback at work without taking it personally

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No one likes to criticize their work. But being hypersensitive to criticism can seem like a burden you constantly carry.

Whether you have feedback on how a slideshow could be improved, hear that the leadership doesn’t agree with your idea, or speak otherwise and put yourself forward, it can be difficult to separate a person’s response from yourself. -value.

Throughout your career, you will always receive feedback in one form or another. Learning to deal with criticism is a key part of professional (and personal) growth and, when dealt with productively, can really boost your self-confidence and be extremely valuable in advancing your career.

That’s not to say, however, that it can’t be extremely uncomfortable or even overwhelming: you go all out and take pride in your efforts, so when you are criticized it can really sting.

Negative feedback tends to hit the Sensitive Strivers in particular. Because we deal with everything in more depth, we end up taking people’s opinions personally – seeing them as a failure or indictment of our professional skills and abilities. When we receive negative feedback or someone gives us a feedback, we react strongly.

Why are you so sensitive to criticism

It is important to understand that as a Sensitive Striver you are wired differently.

According to research, around 15-20% of the population has a genetic trait that leads to a highly calibrated nervous system. It explains why things affect you more deeply than anyone else.

Research also shows that Sensitive Strivers have more active mirror neurons, which means you’re naturally more perceptive and more in tune with your surroundings.

But as a result, you might spend more time monitoring and analyzing the behavior of others. This vigilance can make you overly preoccupied with external approval and the thoughts and opinions of others, or make you more easily read situations, plunging you into an intense emotional spiral.

Nonetheless, thinking deeply is a tremendous strength. That is, as long as you have the tools to effectively harness your superpowers.

A simple exercise for dealing with negative comments at work

When receiving criticism, it is essential that you separate the criticism from the message from the criticism of you as the messenger.

It’s important to avoid what writers Sheila Heen and Douglas Stone call “bad spotting” – where we go on the defensive and fall into a spiral of anger that can leave us distracted and exhausted.

In addition, criticism can be very valuable, especially when it is worded constructively. You want to keep your emotions from getting over you and blind you to everything there is to learn from the person’s comments.

There is a simple exercise I give to my coaching clients that helps them analyze helpful feedback from those who may be left behind. It also helps them slow down their own reaction so they can think clearly and control how they react to comments instead.

Here’s how the exercise works: 1. Take a sheet of paper and divide it into four columns

It is better to do this on paper rather than on the computer, as studies show that handwriting is more cathartic. This forces your brain to be more deliberate and also serves as a pattern interrupt (since you probably spend most of your day typing).

2. In the first column, write down the exact comments

Write down what the person said verbatim. Use their exact phrasing and don’t overlay your interpretation on them. Stay as objective and factual as possible.

3. In the second column, list everything that is wrong with the comments

This is your chance to let it all out – your anger, your frustration, your insecurity. Mention inaccuracies, blind spots and errors in comments. Do not hold back.

4. In the third column, list what might be right about the feedback.

This is where you start your mindset. Start to broaden your perspective and think about where the other person is from. Are there any useful improvements in the reviews they shared, for example? A new discovery or an opportunity? What can you learn or take away from the information they have shared with you?

5. In the fourth column, commit to taking action

Write down your next steps. It could be having a follow-up conversation to clear the air, make a correction, or just let it go and get on with your day.

This exercise provides structure so that you can process feedback in a more balanced way, return to balance faster, and make constructive progress.

Remember that receiving criticism is a fact of life and it can really bring you down if you let them. By having tools to deal with it, you will be able to recover faster and shine like the knowledgeable professional that you are.

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