9 ways to offer constructive criticism that really helps

[ad_1]

No one, no matter who they are, likes to feel criticized. This is why mastering the art of constructive criticism is such a useful skill to develop when dealing with other people. Because no matter who you are, you are likely going to find yourself in a position where you need to give your opinion, whether in your personal or professional life.

Leo Babuata, founder of Zen Habits, noted that “people often don’t take criticism well, even if they do it for good reasons.” He said they can often see him as hurtful and petty, or even as though they are being attacked. From my experience, I know that I can definitely be put on the defensive when I feel criticized, which means I have a hard time really absorbing what the other person is saying.

The thing is, it’s often not about what we say when we give feedback, it’s how we say it. I have seen countless person-to-person encounters completely derailed simply by the tone of voice someone uses, or because of a few poorly chosen words. And on the other hand, I’ve seen things like employee reviews, or one-on-one interviews with coworkers, go incredibly well when the person giving the feedback approaches it in the right way. It is truly amazing how differently the same message can be communicated and how drastically this affects the way the message is received.

If you’re about to give feedback to someone in your life, or find that you never end up communicating your thoughts in a way that goes well, here are nine ways to provide constructive criticism that will change. really gives it.

1. Use the “Feedback Sandwich” method

On her website, life coach Celes Chua recommended always using the “feedback sandwich” when you need to give someone advice. This involves starting with praise, or a positive comment, then moving into the realm of comments that could potentially be interpreted as criticism, and completing them by reiterating the positive. For example, you could tell a coworker that he’s great at dealing with clients, but that he could improve his presentations in meetings and end with the fact that you’re super excited to see the progress that you know you are making. ‘he does. go do. This way the review is “sandwiched” between two positives, which makes it a lot less harsh.

2. Focus on the situation, not the person

Chua also stressed the importance of focusing on the situation, not the individual. For example, instead of saying “You are a really boring speaker,” say, “I think your presentations could use more energy and visuals.” This will help prevent the other person from feeling potentially assaulted.

3. Think about the timing

In an article for Entrepreneur, entrepreneur and business owner Charlie Harary said that you should always be aware of when you choose to give your opinion. For example, taking a coworker aside moments after they’ve finished a big presentation is probably not the best time to criticize their public speaking skills. It can be the difference between the other person being totally receptive to your comments and rejecting them completely.

4. Use a “straw man”

Harary also recommended using what he calls a “straw man” to make a point, which basically means telling a story about someone else to illustrate your point. “Try to convey the review through a personal anecdote or inspirational story of a famous person who went through the same thing. It’s so much easier to swallow when it isn’t directly about ‘you’ and ‘your ‘errors,’ he said.

5. Offer specific suggestions

In that same article, Babuata said to always try to give specific examples and suggestions. Instead of saying something like, “You never clean the house,” say, “Could you help with the dishes more? I’ve been doing a lot lately. This keeps the discussion focused and gives the other person a concrete area for improvement.

6. Keep your language positive

Babuata also noted the importance of keeping your language positive, which will help set the tone for the whole exchange. For example, notice the difference between the statements “I would like to hear you speak more in meetings” and “You do not express yourself enough in meetings”. One seems a lot easier to take, doesn’t it?

7. Stick to “I” statements

In an article for Psychology Today, psychologist Cliffor Lazerus emphasized the importance of using “I feel” statements rather than more accusatory “you” statements. There’s a reason we were taught this method of communication when we were kids, it really works!

8. Be aware of your tone

Lazerus also noted to always pay attention to your tone as it can make or break the way your comments are viewed. If you sound stern or angry, that’s an instant signal for someone else to stand up for themselves. Personally, I always try to take a moment to think about how I would like to be approached if the situation were reversed.

9. Consider if this really needs to be said

The latter just comes from personal experience. Unfortunately, I’ve found that for some reason correcting others can be very satisfying (and I know I’m not the only one). The question then becomes: does the other really need to be corrected? If the feedback isn’t really needed, or if it doesn’t really need to come from you, then don’t say anything at all. Nothing can be more off-putting than unsolicited advice.

Mastering the art of constructive criticism isn’t easy, and giving feedback won’t always turn out well, even if you do everything right. Remember that as with most things in life, you will definitely improve with the experience.

Images: Pexels (7); Ana Vander Ste l, Tachina Lee, Haystaak / Unsplash

[ad_2]