How to handle criticism at work

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Anyone who has ever received negative feedback can attest that it sucks. Aside from the emotional discomfort of being told your work isn’t good enough, the physical reactions of a racing heart, tense muscles, and rising blood pressure aren’t exactly pleasant.

As we go into fight-or-flight mode, it’s tempting to 1) staunchly defend ourselves – “It wasn’t my fault!”, 2) mentally check a conversation – “What does he know about anyway?”, or 3) freezes in a self-destructive loop of negative thoughts – “I’ll never be good enough.”

But, when it comes to work, the further I progress in my career, the more convinced I am that overcoming those early reactions and responding positively to negative comments is a secret superpower.

If you are a team member, the ability to respond gracefully to negative feedback drives us to continue to grow in our roles and build strong relationships with our colleagues. As a team leader, responding to criticism constructively challenges us to be better managers and creates a team culture of openness and honesty.

Cultivating our ability to respond with curiosity and consideration to flaws in our work can make all the difference in our careers. However, this is much easier said than done.

How can we overcome our fear of negative feedback and let it guide us to our best work?

“If we really don’t like someone, the last thing we would do is tell them how to improve”

When our jobs become entangled with our identities, job reviews can feel oddly personal. Critical criticism of our design mockups sends us into a spiral of self-doubt. Negative criticism of our leadership style feels like an indictment. As we struggle with impostor syndrome, negative feedback is the trigger that fuels continued insecurity about our abilities.

Negative comments are hard to hear. But consider the alternative: no negative feedback. Never. Lack of critical feedback can mean one of two things:

Your work is good enough but you are no longer developing your skills. Your work is mediocre and nobody tells you that.

Neither of these scenarios is good when our goal is to advance our careers.

Respond to negative feedback in a way that ensures you receive more

Understanding at a basic level that negative feedback can help us is one thing. Acting on it is quite another thing.

Approaching feedback from a neutral and objective perspective can be the difference between focusing on our own shortcomings, real or imagined, and working to generate work that gets noticed. Unfortunately, that’s not possible if we let the initial sting of criticism dictate our next moves.

At times when our gut reaction tells us to go on the defensive or go on the offensive, there’s a third option: pause. There’s no shame in not knowing the answer to a question or needing time to process feedback. Taking the time to calm down and provide a thoughtful response allows us to really hear the feedback and show our managers and team members that we take their feedback seriously.

Here are some lines that can be useful when you feel like you are against the wall:

“Let me get back to you with an answer, after thinking more about the matter.” “Thank you for your message! Give me 24 hours to provide you with a full response. “I had a different point of view, but let me consider yours.”

Sometimes you will be a decision maker. Other times you will be a decision informant. When things don’t go your way, it’s important to disagree and still commit to the final decision.

Be bold and look for negative feedback

Most things get easier with practice. Receiving negative feedback is no exception. The initial sting of criticism may never really go away, but we can become less susceptible to it through greater exposure.

Ray Dalio, the founder of Bridgewater Associates, one of the largest and most successful hedge funds in the world, is a big proponent of creating environments where honest feedback can thrive.

I wanted to get an idea of ​​meritocracy. In other words, not an autocracy in which I lead and others follow, and not a democracy in which everyone’s views are valued equally, but I wanted to have an idea of ​​a meritocracy in which the best ideas would take away. And to do that, I realized that we would need radical truth and radical transparency.

This attitude allowed Bridgewater Associates to soar. Dalio notes that he has created an environment where “Jen, who is 24 and fresh out of college, can tell me, the CEO, that I approach things terribly.”

In these types of environments, it’s easy to imagine that the bite of negative feedback hurts a lot less. When criticism and constant evaluation are normalized, sensitivities tend to fade and we can develop thicker skin.

But what if feedback is rare in your business and annual performance reviews are the norm? What can you do to hone your craft through constructive feedback and bring your team’s culture closer to radical candor?

Kim Scott, former Google executive and author of Radical Candor, encourages employees to regularly ask for feedback by following these steps:

Arrange a one-on-one with your boss. If you’re looking for feedback on your performance, don’t wait for your boss to set up a face-to-face. Ask them directly for a meeting and give them an agenda in advance. Scott also recommends a must-have question that gets a better answer than just asking for feedback: “What can I do or stop doing to make working with me easier?” Embrace the discomfort. Getting negative feedback isn’t exactly a feel-good moment. The impulse may be to verbally bulldoze a conversation out of nervousness to speed things up. Resist the urge. Lean into the awkward pauses and silences where the helpful comments are. Listen with the intention of understanding, not responding. Be alert when your defense mechanisms surface at the first sign of something we don’t want to hear. As Scott says, “Don’t get mad, be curious.” Reward the franchise. As emotionally charged as negative feedback is for a recipient, it can be just as unpleasant to provide. If we don’t act on the feedback we receive, someone may refuse to provide us with their honesty again. Be grateful for the feedback you receive, whether it’s sending a follow or providing evidence that you’ve followed.

Asking for feedback can be intimidating and awkward and often embarrasses the other person. A simple trick to making performance conversations easier for everyone involved is to ask for “advice” instead of “feedback.” On the surface, these words sound like mere synonyms. However, upon closer inspection, the former is a word that unlocks a level of compassion and vulnerability.

Asking for advice automatically forces someone to put themselves in your shoes. This can produce richer comments based on personal experience. Asking for advice can reveal a story from your boss’s early career or prompt a colleague to share a time when they encountered the same obstacle. This small change in wording can be the difference between not receiving valuable feedback and getting feedback that is warm and full of actionable information.

It is painful when the response to our work is not as positive as we hoped. The round of applause we had anticipated actually turns out to be silence. The smiles we expected actually look like grimaces.

But what I’ve learned along the way is this: the most damaging thing we can do is allow our fear of negative feedback to keep us from playing big.

Of course, taking the safe route, following the rules and keeping our heads down helps us avoid criticism. Thinking, “Let me do what’s been done before,” is a surefire defense against questioning looks and audible sighs. It is also a guaranteed way to be forgotten and to stagnate in our professions.

Letting go of our fear of negative feedback gives us the freedom to experiment with new approaches, explore our curiosities, and attempt actions with unknown outcomes. Does this open us up to criticism? Sure. But it also opens us up to growing and perfecting our craft in ways we never thought possible.

A version of this article originally appeared on Doist and is adapted with permission.

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