What Should I Do About a Friends Racist Figurines?

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Your friends contention is misconceived. For one thing, if the image reflects the way he and his wife think of Black people, as objects of humorous contempt, they are (in my view) wronging Black people, regardless of who learns about it. People can be defamed, more, even if it never becomes known to them or causes them disadvantage. So youre appealed and offended for good reason. Your concern, as your friend doesnt grasp, is not just for those wrongs but for the moral blinkers the defects of character or culture that prevent this man from seeing the wrong. Racism is a vice. You want your friend to be better and want to help him be so.

Thats not to say owning racist memorabilia is necessarily a problem; a friend of mine who is a Black scholar of African American culture has a considerable collection of sambo iconography. (His mother collected the stuff, too.) For some Black people today, its a reminder of the history of racism in this country; they may find it amusing because the mind-set of those who made it and for whom it was made strikes them as absurd. Theyre in on a larger joke about the laughable nature of racism.

Your friend, alas, is not. His apparent certainty that nobody Black will cross his threshold is unsettling. So is his implicit confidence that his visitors will share his simple delight in the spectacle of a melon-eating Black Santa. Youve responded to his misjudgment the way a friend should, patiently presenting the relevant considerations, and he has tuned you out. At this point, you could fairly decide that those visitors won’t include you.

A few years ago, a friend and I assumed limited responsibility for a 90-plus-year-old gentleman in our church who asked for our help when, after a fall and rehab, he had nowhere to go. His affairs were a mess. He has no dementia (he has been screened), but is, by his own admission, temperamentally incapable of managing his life. Using his funds on his behalf, we paid off/negotiated debt, found him a secure living situation and enrolled him in VA health care. We do not charge for this; indeed, one of us took him into his home for six months to allow him to repay debt. Our relationship was legally established with a power of attorney. He is a lovely man, nothing but grateful to be taken care of.

Here is the current dilemma: Before the accident, he went to a physician at a longevity clinic who, after lab tests, prescribed supplements. The tests and supplements cost thousands of dollars he could not afford. The supplements that he was taking have been replaced by the medicines he actually needs. Now he wants to return to this practitioner (in spite of free VA medical care). He is adamant: Id never felt better in my life.

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