Is it racist to ask someone “What are you?” Here’s what Mixed Race and POC are saying.

[ad_1]

It’s a question that apparently every mixed race person and person of color has ever asked: what are you? (Or more innocently, where are you from?)

Ph.D. student Ayumi Matsuda-Rivero hears the question so often that she has become relatively adept at knowing how to answer it.

If it’s someone who’s also mixed, she thinks it’s an attempt to establish a connection and a shell response. But if it’s a white person, they’re more suspicious. (For the record, Matsuda-Rivero is Venezuelan Japanese, and more generally Asian Latinx.)

If someone asks me what are you? I’m less forgiving than if I get the message Where are you from? question, said the University of California San Diego student. If someone asks me what are you? I respond with I am a person, because implying an object rather than a person, and too often mixed people are considered exotic collectibles.

If someone asks, Where are you from? Matsuda-Rivero will say the state of Virginia because that’s where she spent most of her life.

This may frustrate some people, but I reserve the right to share my ethnicity or not, she said.

Ayumi Matsuda-Rivero, a Venezuelan Japanese doctor. student, she is often asked about her ethnicity in various awkward ways.

Matsuda-Rivero does not care about the question as long as it is posed tactfully or arises from an already established conversation; if someone asks her if she speaks Spanish, a follow-up question about her ethnicity would be natural.

But too often the question is posed with little tact. Case in point: Late last month, when Lady Susan Hussey, a senior aide to the British royal family and close friend of the late Queen Elizabeth II, resigned after making unacceptable and deeply regrettable comments to the founder of the Ngozi Fulani black charity.

As Fulani recounted in a Twitter thread, during an event at Buckingham Palace to raise awareness about violence against women, Hussey constantly asked her where she was really from, even though the charity’s founder had already explained that she was born and lived in the UK.

Mixed feelings about yesterday’s visit to Buckingham Palace. 10 mins after I arrived a member of staff Lady SH approached me, moved my hair to see my badge. The conversation below took place. The rest of the event is blurry. Thanks @ManduReid & @SuzanneEJacob for their support pic.twitter.com/OUbQKlabyq

— Sistah Space (@Sistah_Space) November 30, 2022

People of color might understand. Kim Noonan, the host of the Multiracial Whiteboy podcast, said he would be a little upset if someone phrased the question that way. (Noonan is a mixed transracial adoptee who was adopted from Vietnam by a white American family as a child.)

She had no desire to know where the woman was from. It was obvious that she was really needling him. If I get that kind attitude from someone and I know they’re not up for a thoughtful conversation, I’m done, he said. I will not spend any time or energy on this.

Generally, however, Noonan knows he looks ethnically ambiguous and doesn’t care about the issue. (Growing up in a predominantly white suburb of Escondido, Calif., he’s certainly used to it.)

When people ask me, what are you? I read the intention of the person, he said. If I see that they are really curious, why not discuss my story with them? Not everything, but enough to give anyone an idea of ​​the complexity of growing up as a mixed-race child in a white family and community.

Generally, Noonan thinks the question alone is not worth having a tantrum if a person has good intentions to learn and understand.

That said, he found a convenient way to put the focus back on the applicant.

I’ll ask them, how about sharing where you’re from first? he said. This puts the heaviness of the question into perspective.

Director Kim Noonan thinks the “What are you?” question alone “isn’t worth throwing a tantrum if a person has good intentions to learn and understand.”

Identify the other

The reality is that many Americans find the topics between race and ethnicity confusing, so our conversations about concepts are often artless.

Race and ethnicity are used interchangeably and carelessly, but they are not the same thing.

The concept of ethnicity contrasts with that of race in that it concerns group identity or cultural expression whereas race focuses on physical and biogenetic traits, writes Merriam-Webster in the usage notes for the word dictionaries.

With ethnicity, a person’s culture, geography, heritage, and language are all taken into account, while race is more about how others perceive you. (That’s why it’s common these days to hear sociologists and other experts describe human races as a social construct.)

The confusion is understandable. The problem is that often it feels like someone is trying to emphasize someone else’s otherness. Then there’s the frequent persistence in their line of questioning: some won’t let go until the person of color comes up with a non-American origin story.

White people would never persist in these kinds of questions with other white people, so why are they asking people of color questions? said William Ming Liu, professor of counseling psychology and department chair at the University of Maryland. (His research interests include social class and classism, men and masculinity, and white supremacy and privilege.)

Many whites have [the model] of a white person in mind in general, so when someone deviates from that, they are already ready, cognitively, to see the non-white person as a foreigner or a non-American, said Liu at HuffPost.

People of color are seen as outsiders, intruders, strangers to this specific space, the professor said.

Given the weight of the question, Liu isn’t sure there’s a non-awkward way to ask it.

The larger question for white people asking this question is, why? What is the need to know? To identify the person of color as the other in this space? he said.

Could you help me better understand why you are asking?

As a white-passing mixed-race black man, author Steve Majors has had his fair share of experiences answering questions like this.

I find that those who question me are trying to figure out if I belong to their tribe, but the truth is that my identity is far more complex than anything and I find the question itself to be wrong, said Majors, the author of the book. High Yella, a memoir about growing up casually white in an impoverished black family.

With a question like that, Majors wonders: Is the person asking about their race or ethnicity? Do they inquire about his place of birth, current hometown or country of origin?

He found the best way to respond is to simply say, I could respond to that in a number of ways. Could you help me better understand why you are asking?

If the person said they’re just curious I would answer them, I appreciate that, but I find people’s motivations for asking this question differ, so I hope you understand why I don’t feel right. comfortable answering that question now, Majors said.

I find that those who question me are trying to figure out if I belong to their tribe, but the truth is that my identity is far more complex than anything and I find the question itself to be wrong, said Steve Majors, a multiracial author.

What if the kids asked the question?

Children are inherently curious about the world around them, so they’re especially prone to asking What are you? question. (Usually quite indelicately too.)

For children who want to ask their peers these questions, the parent’s goal should be to teach them how to convey respect and genuine interest, said Jennifer Noble, clinical psychologist and parenting coach.

Most mixed-race or POC children can sense when someone sincerely and respectfully wants to know about their background, Noble said. Teaching a child to respectfully ask permission is a good place to start.

Noble gave some examples of how to ask the question respectfully and allow the respondent to decline to answer:

Can I ask you where you come from? May I know what country or ethnicity your name is? May I ask what is your racial/ethnic background?

FatCamera via Getty Images

Children of color can work with their parents on a response that makes them feel good for the What are you? question and practice with parents, said clinical psychologist Jennifer Noble.

On the other side of the coin, if you want to prepare your child for how to handle questions of this variety, start with a discussion of why people ask about it in the first place, Noble said.

It’s important to help a child understand that people have expectations about their appearance and that those expectations are usually very limited and based on overly simplistic ideas of race and phenotype, she told HuffPost. The discussions on racism and even on the functioning of melanin are not too advanced!

There are simple, age-appropriate ways to do this, including reading books that celebrate differences and address issues of race. (Noble recommends Our Skin: A First Conversation About Race.)

As to how to answer the question What are you? question, children and parents should work together on an answer that makes them feel good in advance.

They can just list their racial and ethnic background, I’m Japanese, Korean and white, for example, because that’s the most honest and genuine answer, she said.

For Where are you from? question, again, simple answers are best.

I’m from Oregon and I’m American, but my ethnicity is Mexican would allow the child to answer honestly where they’re from, but also correct the asker by adding their race/ethnicity, Noble said.

Children can also use humor and snark as a way to protect themselves against peer questioning that seems intrusive or disabling.

Mixed race kids can answer I’m amazing if someone asks What are you? or they can practice throwing the same question back to the asker, Noble said.

And of course, children, like adults, should feel empowered to decide not to answer these questions.

Helping a child realize they can refuse to answer, especially if the asker has hostile intentions, is certainly helpful, she said.

[ad_2]