How to avoid blame when raising an issue with your partner

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When you decide to talk to your partner about a problem you’re having, the key is to use “I” statements beginning with phrases like “I feel” or “It bothers me when…” These types of statements completely change the trajectory of conversation, explains Relationships Australia. The reason is that “I” statements get your message across without directly telling the other person that they did something wrong. For example, if you feel like your partner isn’t giving you enough attention, avoid statements such as “you ignore me all the time” or “you don’t care about me anymore.”

Starting a conversation like this can cause them to get defensive and ignore you completely. Instead, use the “I” statements we talked about, such as “I’ve been feeling ignored lately” or “I feel like we haven’t spent much time together.” In these cases, you’ve told your partner your thoughts, but you haven’t attacked them or put them in a situation where they feel compelled to defend themselves.

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