You suck! Why criticism is more powerful than praise | Psychology

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As many have noticed, criticism tends to have more impact and stay with you much longer than praise in the same way (within reason; an arena full of people shouting they love you n will have no less impact than someone taunting you for standing in line). The power of critique manifests itself in several ways: it is the de facto approach in workplace performance reviews; the use of criticism in teaching young children is widely studied; so-called pick-up artists incorporated it via their repugnant negation technique; and even The Simpsons demonstrated this with their episode where Mel Gibson teams up with Homer, who is the only person willing to criticize him.

It’s an old episode, sure.

And with today’s interconnected online world, the opportunities for criticism are greater than ever, with unpleasant consequences.

That doesn’t mean it’s useless. Criticism, when done thoughtfully, is a very valuable tool that helps people improve. And some research suggests that criticism and praise can be just as harmful in certain contexts. It doesn’t make any logical sense. But then, it makes no logical sense could be the slogan of the human brain. It should be engraved on a brass plate and nailed to the temporal lobe.

But what unhealthy twist of fate decided that a disparaging comment from a stranger would carry more weight than heartfelt praise from our loved ones? As usual, science has some suggestions

Evolution

The greatest power of critique is not just a learned response; research suggests that there is a real neurological bias in our brain, giving more importance to negative stimuli, for example criticism. This is a very persistent bias. We have evolved to respond quickly and strongly to negative stimuli, and have dedicated brain regions like the amygdala, which encode the emotional component (e.g. fear) of an experience so that it remains powerful and we can quickly learn.

When living in the wild, negative stimuli can often mean death, so the sooner you learn about them the better your chances of survival, so evolution would favor humans who dwell on the negatives. And our brains may be a lot more sophisticated these days, but criticism is always a negative stimulus, and millions of years of evolution can’t be extinguished easily.

Positive things that happen to us also make an impression, but that’s less common than a good thing = deadly, so it’s not as selective pressure.

Novelty

Associative learning studies have shown that at fundamental levels of attention and learning, a new stimulus receives more attention/response than a familiar stimulus. Something that happens regularly and predictably means we get used to it, so don’t notice it; our brains tire of the same old thing and focus our mental energies elsewhere.

Internet anonymity can change things, but in the real world, there are social norms and etiquette to follow. Not everyone does it, but the majority usually do, and openly criticizing someone is considered rude in most contexts. Therefore, unless you’re quite unhappy (as many admittedly are), receiving criticism is relatively rare compared to receiving polite praise (even saying thank you technically counts as praise, unless you’re being sarcastic) . As a result, the reviews stand out a lot more and you focus on it more than the praise.

It’s like an exciting unexpected mail that turns out to be an invoice.

Egocentrism

Everyone is egocentric by default; we can’t really see the world from someone else’s point of view. Therefore, we assume that others behave according to the same internal impulses as we do. As noted, it’s normal in our society to be nice to others, even if we don’t really mean it (eg, tipping even though we don’t think it’s warranted).

We do it because it’s the right thing to do and we want others to like us. But if we know we are giving praise that is not genuine, why shouldn’t others do the same? Therefore, any praise received may be contaminated with hints of doubt. But if you only criticize people when really necessary, you’re more likely to attribute similar motivation to anyone who in turn criticizes you.

Contrast that with someone who openly criticizes others in public, constantly, purely for personal gain (several columnists, presenters, and pundits come to mind); they in turn receive an almost endless barrage of criticism (to put it mildly), but don’t seem to care. This may be because they consider criticizing others to be normal, unlike us more sensitive souls.

Self-serving bias

Generally, people like to have a good opinion of themselves. This is known as a selfish bias. We take credit for good things that happen because we think they are due to some internal quality we have (e.g. completing an assignment before a deadline because we were well organized and dedicated), and avoid accountability for negative things that happen, blaming external factors (e.g. the quality of the assignment was horrible, because Microsoft Office is crap).

It’s a normal way to be, and probably necessary to function in everyday life, but it does mean that criticism stings a bit more. If you generally think you’re good at things, people who praise you are just repeating what you already know. But the criticism goes much further because you are already at a positive level of self-esteem.

Confirmation bias

Performing on stage, exhibiting your art, writing a blog post that really should end now, these are typical ways people show up to entertain or inform others. But there is always the risk that your work will be poorly received. It’s normal to have some self-doubt, but when you do something that involves putting yourself or your work in front of others to be judged, you can set yourself up for criticism.

This means that you expect more of it and therefore feel a certain sense of validation when it happens, and therefore focus more on it at the expense of the positive comments, even if they are in the majority. This confirmation bias can be especially strong with live acts like stand-up, because the feedback is so immediate and visceral.

Depression

If you’re unfortunate enough to suffer from depression (as many are), this will only compound the impact of the criticism. Depression causes a kind of reverse selfish bias, something like self-loathing bias, if you will, in that they regularly attribute the bad things to their own qualities and the good things to chance. Any criticism will be taken very seriously as confirmation of their inherent lack of self-esteem. There are even tests that show a depressed person’s tendency to focus on the negative.

So you can see why making fun of someone who claims to have depression could be even worse than you think. And that’s already a pretty unpleasant thing to do.

There are many other scientific factors for the power of criticism, but this post is already too long, and I don’t want people to be mean to me.

Dean Burnett prefers to criticize himself before anyone has the chance. He usually does this via Twitter, @garwboy

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