Change the habit of self-criticism

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Self-criticism is a common but problematic habit.

Source: ueuaphoto on iStock

Which aspect of self-criticism causes more distress: the content of your self-criticism or the habit of criticizing yourself throughout the day?

Seeing yourself as lazy, fat, stupid, or incapable of succeeding with words or general attitude can certainly cause a lot of emotional pain. Self-criticism is positively linked to a range of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, addictions, and self-harm.

As a clinical psychologist, I have heard many patients describe intense self-criticism of different aspects of themselves. Self-criticism seems to make everything worse, like it forms an extra layer of pain on top of other stressors and mental health issues.

When I first encounter self-critical patients, they often seem resigned to their self-criticism. That’s how I am, they tell me. I’ve always been like that, they’ll insist, as if it were a pre-programmed, immutable characteristic, like height or eye color.

However, self-criticism is influenced by family and cultural contexts, including emotional abuse, racial discrimination and homophobia. Evidence shows that many of us internalize negative messages so our own minds habitually perpetuate self-criticism. Research also indicates that self-criticism can be modified.

How the habitual nature of self-criticism affects mental health

What if the habit of self-criticism was just as important as the content of the self-critical thoughts themselves? When I was researching self-criticism for my new book, The Self-Talk Workout, I read a series of research studies that point to the value of treating self-criticism as a powerful mental habit, rather than a attack only the substance of self-criticism. thoughts.

Researchers Bas Verplanken and his colleagues highlight a few different characteristics of self-criticism that highlight its habitual quality. These include how often you criticize yourself, the extent to which self-criticism occurs automatically, how effectively your mind jumps to criticize you in any difficult situation, and the degree to which self-criticism occurs outside of your intention, your consciousness, or control.

Verplanken et al. created a self-report measure called the Habit Index of Negative Thinking (HINT). By analyzing responses to the following questions, the research team assessed participants’ degree of engagement in self-critical thinking by having them answer the following questions:

Thinking negatively about myself is something…

I do it frequently. I do it automatically. I do involuntarily. It seems quite natural to me. I do without thinking. It would take a mental effort to leave. I do every day. I start doing before I realize I’m doing it. I would find it hard not to. I don’t do it on purpose. It’s typically “me”. I have been doing for a long time. (Verplanken et al., p. 541)

The researchers found that usual levels of self-criticism measured by the HINT contributed to symptoms of depression and anxiety over a 9-month period in a sample of 1,102 respondents (641 women and 461 men). Self-criticism predicted depression and anxiety even beyond the content of the negative thoughts themselves, as measured by the Dysfunctional Attitude Scale, and even after accounting for work stress, stress at home, age and gender.

These results do not tell us that the habit of self-criticism causes more mental health problems than self-criticism itself, but rather that both aspects of self-criticism have an impact on depression and anxiety. Maybe it’s a bit like smoking: smoking itself causes health problems, but the habit or addiction to smoking spreads the behavior.

How to change the habit of self-criticism

Awareness of default behaviors can be a valuable step towards changing habits, but awareness or intentions alone (I really should be kinder to myself) are unlikely to produce real change. Instead, research indicates that people make significant changes in self-criticism from specific mental techniques that reduce self-judgment and promote self-compassion.

The term self-compassion means to treat each other in a friendly and caring way, even during times of difficulty or failure. Self-compassion is not the same as self-esteem, which is about evaluating yourself positively or negatively.

Mindfulness meditation and loving kindness meditation are two specific approaches that decrease self-criticism. Both practices are concentration exercises because they draw your mental attention away from habitual thoughts. These workouts may not seem particularly easy or feel like they work immediately, but research has shown that they reduce self-criticism over time.

Mindfulness meditation is not about emptying your mind, but rather about noticing and reshaping your mental experience. You can start by focusing on the sensations of your breath, then redirect your attention back to the breath, for about 10 minutes or more.

The goal is not to repress the thoughts that arise, but rather to bring your attention back to the breath with as little self-criticism as possible (my mind wandered, that’s OK, now back to the breath). When you notice self-criticism about distraction, just deal with it like you would any other thought (there’s self-criticism, that’s OK, back to the breath).

Some people are discouraged by how much their mind wanders, but it is this attraction to the habit of self-criticism that repeated meditation can change with regular practice. In fact, reduced judgment appears to be a key mechanism explaining why mindfulness improves mental health.

Another approach that greatly reduces self-criticism is loving-kindness meditation (LKM). The practice involves several minutes of silent repetition of phrases such as, May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.

My students sometimes say that repeating sentences seems strange or awkward to them at first, but after a few weeks of regular practice, they notice less self-criticism. Studies show that LKM significantly reduces self-criticism, post-traumatic stress disorder and depression.

If it seems difficult to add five or ten minutes of practice to your day to change the habit of self-criticism, I encourage people to start with one breath: inhale, my friend; exhale, my friend. Breathing without self-criticism can be a starting point for changing your mental habits and building a more friendly, supportive, and compassionate relationship with yourself.

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