How criticism affects our daily life and how to deal with it

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There is nothing wrong with analyzing things or thinking about them, but so often we blame ourselves and fall into a pit of negativity.

May 20, 2023 7:00 a.m. (updated 7:01 a.m.)

Write down your thoughts and how they make you feel (Photo: Astrakhan Images/Getty/Image Source)

When things go wrong in life and times are tough, it’s very easy to blame yourself or feel like you’ve failed. There is nothing wrong with analyzing things or thinking about them. It can help us learn lessons, grow as people, and reduce the chances of the same pattern happening again. It’s clean. But so often we blame ourselves and fall into a pit of negativity.

Why are we doing this? Well, if we blame ourselves, then strangely enough, that means what happens in life is in our control, we made it happen. It gives us a sense of security, and even if we don’t feel good about blame, we can at least feel safe. We choose safety and control over truth. Yet the truth is that most of the time things happen in life.

Blaming is very different from taking responsibility. One is unhealthy and keeps us stuck; the other gets things done.

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The same goes for criticism. If we use it in a healthy way, we could critique our actions or choices without letting it define us or censor the very person we are.

And what happens when we become our own worst reviewer, constantly giving ourselves one-star reviews? Our mental and emotional health suffers, we develop low self-esteem, and things start to get out of hand.

And then there are the friends, family and people we have around us. Critics are all very good when they maybe assess the merits of a film or a chef or a place in a professional capacity. But what happens when critics are all around us? Their opinion not only begins to influence ours, but also completely overrides ours.

Who do you trust? Who do you listen to? We all have around us people or sources of information or platforms whose influence we allow. But just as misinformation can spread like wildfire across the internet and inform headlines or opinions, the words spoken by those around us can have a big influence on our thoughts, words and behaviors. Do you really take the time to weigh the advice or opinions of others and determine if they are true, worth taking, or neutral in intent?

In the same way, we can develop a pattern of being overly critical of others or of the world. We can develop negative thought patterns or become cynical and jaded. We block ourselves from opportunities in life and from joy itself.

Criticism can impact our mental and emotional well-being, and inherently the way we live our lives, in three main ways that we need to pay attention to.

self-criticism

If we are honest, we all have self-criticism. Some will be stronger than others and some will be stronger on certain days or certain situations. Stop and notice how often you criticize yourself.

Write down your thoughts and how they make you feel. Notice how often you criticize yourself and how if you said these things to a friend, they wouldn’t stay your friend for very long. Can you reframe these thoughts into a few that are just a little kinder and less harsh? Notice how it makes you feel so much better. This way you can develop a new habit of how you think about yourself.

Others as reviews

Have you ever known someone who constantly criticizes everything and everyone? These people drain our energy and are not the most pleasant to be around. Notice in your life who around you criticizes you either in an obvious way or in an open and passive way.

How do you feel after interacting with them? Is what they say true? And how would you feel and what would your life be like if you walked away from them? You may even notice that you make a habit of criticizing them and do more.

criticize others

If you criticize other people or the world around you enough, you will end up becoming cynical about the world believing that everything is wrong, that things are not good enough, that people only act in their own interest or that nothing is ever good enough.

Ask yourself why you choose to frame the world around you in this way. Are you afraid of something? Do you need to be in control to feel safe or to feel more like another person?

People who are very critical often have very low self-esteem or are overwhelmed by perfectionism and control. There is another way to deal with these feelings that is healthier for you and others around you. Making this choice is powerful and can dramatically change your life and your relationships.

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