A Christian Approach to Receiving Criticism

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Being a pastor is an immense privilege and joy, but it is not without criticism. Any criticism, however well-meaning and sincere, seems to only exacerbate the insecurities that young pastors often carry.

When faced with criticism or simply taken aback by something said to me during a conversation, I can feel pride and defensiveness welling up in my heart. Then the reactions start floating in my head: They don’t understand. I thought about that much more than them. Even though I’ve learned to hold my tongue, my inner monologue is screaming because I want to explain myself and justify why I did what I did.

Through experience and helpful resources such as Pastors and Their Critics: A Guide to Coping with Criticism in the Ministry by Joel R. Beeke and Nick Thompson, I have learned to respond more pastorally to criticism. Here are a few things I try to keep in mind:

Assume the best motives.

Committed members of your church may criticize you because they love you and want what is best for the church. Even if their suggestion isn’t the best solution, most critics want you to lead the church to a place where it will thrive.

Listen to the truth.

Every review includes at least one grain of truth (and often more than one), so find it. Even if the criticism is poorly worded, look past its brashness and rate yourself before you rate your criticism.

Respond gratefully, not defensively.

Assuming the review is coming from a place of love, it probably took that person a long time to tell you about it. The fact that they did it shows that they care about you and are comfortable enough with you to do it. Thank them for it.

Ask for time to pray and process.

Once you’ve heard quickly, speak slowly. Ask for time to process what has been said to you. Unless the church is burning, your response is probably not needed at this time.

I tend to say something like, thanks for being comfortable enough to share this with me. You have given me some useful suggestions to consider. If it’s all right with you, I’d like to take some time to prayerfully process this and get back with you.

Follow up.

When you revisit the conversation with the person, thank them again. Seek to affirm any changes you have made or errors you have found as a result of their conversation with you. Consider inviting them to participate in the process in the future. Even if they haven’t changed their minds or plans, express your gratitude for their care and consideration.

I have found these approaches beneficial in many ways. They diffuse any rising tension that may arise in the heat of the moment, dampen my defensiveness, and prevent me from reacting emotionally. They humbly remind me and the other person that I don’t always have or need to always have all the answers. They communicate that I am willing to listen, caring enough to want to take time to understand, and give myself time to receive godly counsel from friends, elders, and the Holy Spirit.

Pastoral patience will not only help you respond to criticism, but will also help you navigate difficult conversations with friends or family members. Most importantly, slowing down and taking time to deal with criticism will sanctify you in the image of Christ. As James 1:19-20 says, Know this, my beloved brethren: let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to be angry; for the anger of man does not produce the justice of God.

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