Donald Trump’s broken brake light

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By Marc Munroe Dion

“Why don’t you arrest the real criminals?”

Because America is currently full of dumba–es with dull axes to grind. We hear a lot that, “But Joe Biden has the top secret documents too, and nothing happened to him.”

I can explain the difference between Biden’s possession of top-secret documents and Trump’s possession of top-secret documents with a simple story taken from my own life, which otherwise is quite dull.

I drive to the grocery store to buy a bunch of those carrots that my husband won’t stop buying. I turned around, and heard the siren of a police car behind me. I see flashing lights. i stopped

The officer, mustached and several generations younger than me, asked for a license and registration, both of which I had.

“Do you know why I stopped you, sir?” asked the officer.

“I bet I do,” I said. “My brake light went out. Driver’s side. The guy I was with told me about it when I pulled into the lot this morning. I’m fixing it tomorrow. Might just need a bulb.”

The officer checked my license and registration while I sat quietly in the car. When he got back, he gave me what people call a “fix-it ticket,” which is an official piece of paper that says you’ve been pulled over for driving without something like a working brake light. The piece of paper states that you are stuck and gives you a certain number of days to fix the problem. If you are stopped for the same problem after those days, you will be fined. You don’t need to be a lawyer to understand the fix-it ticket.

The police handed me the ticket.

“Don’t forget to fix the brake light,” he said.

“I have an appointment tomorrow during my lunch hour,” I said.

We bid each other goodnight, he walked back to his car, and I turned my stereo back on and left to find carrots that I wanted more than I wanted in a fix-it ticket.

The next day, I fixed the light. It’s just a light bulb.

The above is the most secret problem with Joe Biden’s documents.

Not that I need to stop. No one had to quit, not the first time they tried it. I could have handled it differently.

Same brake light, same sun, same carrot, same police, same lights and siren.

Except.

When the siren sounds, I take off, slamming the gas pedal to the floor. Predictably, the officer complies.

Over the next hour or so, the police chased me through several suburbs and out onto the interstate. The state police got involved. Now I’m doing 120 miles an hour, I have 10 police cars chasing me, and I still have a brake light.

Finally, I’m back home. Police cars stopped in front of my house. They forced me to kneel in the driveway because I was obviously crazy.

“It’s a witch hunt!” I screamed as the handcuffs closed around my wrists.

“Make sure the cuffs are tight, Sarge,” said one of the cops. “Guy’s hands are really small. He can slip out of them.”

“You’re crazy! I shouted. “I can signal for a turn just by thinking about it!”

“This one needs a psych evaluation,” the sergeant said.

That is the most secret problem with the Donald Trump documents.

One of the smartest things anyone ever told me about police work was told to me by a very big cop in a very small bar. I don’t have a problem, but he’s had three beers and is giving the world advice.

“Don’t fight me, and don’t run away from me,” he said. “All that gets you is more police.”

Marc Munroe Dion’s latest book, a collection of his best columns, is called “Devil’s Elbow: Dancing in the Ashes of America.” It is available in paperback from Amazon.com, and for Nook, Kindle, and iBooks.

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